Someone said to me that love is not a feeling, it is something that you choose to do or not to do. It is what keeps you married for 10, 20, 30 years even through all the imperfections your other partner may have… It is what enables somebody to push through even the toughest times, because you choose to love rather than not to. But is that really all that it is?

I don’t think so. If love truly was merely a choice, couldn’t we all have chosen to love someone better? When you leave a person the choice to love or not to love, you not only give them the power to choose to tolerate another human being, you also give them the power to choose who and when to love. While that may work for the benefit of others, it could lead to destruction as well. 

So why do I think love is a feeling? Well, for starters, I do believe that love IS a feeling… but commitment is a choice. You don’t choose who you love, you just do. At the same time, making a relationship last doesn’t just happen overnight. It doesn’t just “come to you.” In fact, a lasting relationship requires work. That’s what commitment is. You make a conscious effort every day to keep your feelings alive, make that effort to work through each other’s shortcomings, and devote your time and energy in growing and learning from each other. 

When you put two side by side, and let them work hand in hand, then what you have is a great tool to make a relationship work. Having only one of the two isn’t enough; I have come to terms with the truth that love isn’t all you need. There’s gotta be more to it than just that… and now I know what else it is I need. Commitment, trust, mutual respect, compassion, and a need to grow and be better. 

So I am still slowly learning to apply all of this to my life, but isn’t knowing half the battle? I have had my share of failed relationships, and I do not put all of the blame with the people of my past, I took part in it as well. But with the next one there is hope that things will get better… or that I WILL BE BETTER. There is hope that the next one will be the last one… and where I’m at right now is what matters the most. I’m making changes within… and THAT in itself is a choice I make every day now.

In conclusion, I do think that whether you think love is a feeling or a choice, I believe in this truth: Love is precious and wonderful, and in order to preserve that, we must constantly take great care and cultivate it.